Kermis Time

Every year the Dutch look forward to an event we call Kermis early in the summer. Orginally, the Kermis was a kind of fun fair to celebrate the founding of a church, celebrated since the early middle ages. The word Kermis derives from the words church (kerk) and mass (mis). In recent times however the Kermis doesn't have any connection with religion at all, and it doesn't resemble a fun fair anymore either. Today the Kermis is more like a mobile amusement park, with fun rides like rollercoasters, bumpercars, a haunted house, a ferris wheel and many more. The Kermis people earn their living by traveling around from town to town, where they build up their rides, make money for a few days, break everything down and move on to the next town where a kermis is organised. 

The Kermis is fun for everyone, but especially for the kids. The city centre of the town has changed in a magical place with a lot of fun things, colorfull lights, loud noises and lots of candy. The older people also enjoy the rides, but they often combine it with drinking beer at outdoor bars. The combination of kids who ate too much sugar candy and grown-ups who drank too much beer, and rides where they are swung around dizzy or bumped hard change the streets in a colorfull pallet of used tickets, empty candy wraps and the vomit of those who had a too weak stomach.

On the Kermis there are always a few classics returning every year, like the very popular bumper cars, the house of mirrors and the haunted house. The rides are often pretty expensive though, but there are some ways around that for the smart ones. Where you can ride a small rollercoaster that takes less than a minute for about 3 euros, it is also possible to go into a house or mirrors when you are already pretty drunk, so it will take at least an hour to find the way out. I remember how me and my friends in our younger years smoked a big joint before going into a walk-through haunted house. I don't remember much of it, but we were in there for at least an hour and a half. Another classic is the shooting gallery, where guys who have girlfriends are supposed to shoot well and win a large teddybear for their girlfriends. When I had a girlfriend I passed that one though, I was afraid she would want to kiss me to thank me for the bear, because she was throwing up after a wild ride before we got to the shooting gallery.

There are also new rides every year too. The people want rides to be bigger, faster, and more extreme every year. Last year I saw a huge construction in which about 8 people in a cart were launched higher than the church tower, and then went up and down on bungee-jump elastic cables while screaming their lungs out. I don't go in these things myself, but I do enjoy to see how the screaming women have trouble holding down their skirts in the wind.

Many towns also have a special Kermis day, called Pink Saturday or Pink Monday, where the town gets filled with gay people celebrating. There are gay parades, and a lot of people go into town to look at sexy dressed lesbians and flamboyant drag queens, and at night there are lots of special gay parties.

In the towns where the Kermis is held this weekend it will be an extra exciting night, because tonight our Orange soccer players will play against Costa Rica in the quarter finals of the World Championships. Orange fever is at its peak, and we are very confident in our team. About 30% of the Dutch think we are going to win in the finals, and since Costa Rica is not highly ranked when it comes to soccer, we expect to kick their ass bigtime tonight. If we do, there is a chance we play Belgium and Germany in the semi-finals and in the finals. If we do, and if we beat them all, it will be the most impressive championships ever. But if we loose, the disappointment here will be huge, so we rather not think about that for now. Tonight we shout: Hup Holland!   

 

We did it again!

Hooray! The Dutch lion has bitten the Mexican chihuahua in its ass! The whole neighbourhood here is cheering, blowing horns, shouting and I even thought I heard gunshots. Loud Oranje music is playing and I bet it will be a great party downtown again. We are on to the 1/4 finals against either Greece or Costa Rica.

It took a while until we got going. It was way too hot for soccer, even the grass looked tired. I was getting a little bored with the game, and then Mexico scored. The neighbourhood got very silent. I was worried, and I didn't understand why our reporter who was commenting on the game was still so relaxed. No problem, he said, all we have to do is make a goal too. Like we weren't trying that for the first 50 minutes. I was thinking of the disapointment if we would loose. Orange fever would be over immediately, and no one would talk about soccer again. People who would wait another day with cleaning up the orange flags and decorations would get nasty stares from their neighbours, and the people who painted their car orange would have to travel by public transportation. But, something changed. Our team changed tactics and the Mexicans got confused. And that's all it took, we came back and kicked ass!

Orange fever is getting stronger. Where in the match against Spain there were 17.500 people on the Museumsquare in Amsterdam watching the game, and 20.000 in the following two matches, this time there were 45.000 people dressed in Orange and they had to close the gates because even more were coming. We will be eating more orange food, wear even more orange shirts and weird stuff, and we will prepare for an even bigger party next time we play.  

Even Sinterklaas and Orange Pete were there to support our team!

Viva Hollandia!

Happy Dutch players and a sad Spanish goalkeeper

 What an amazing start of the tournament! Yesterday, our soccer team beat Spain in the World Championships with an awesome 5 to 1. In 2010 we lost the World Championship finals against them, which hurt bad, but now we crushed them and we are happy again. After the game there was a big party over here, and today already the Dutch news sites reported that the Orange Fever is growing fast after yesterday's game. It will be fun for the Dutch kids who go to Spain this summer to have a vacation of drinking on the beach and dancing in the many clubs there. With a big smile they will order 5 beers, holding five fingers up to make it extra clear that they mean FIVE!

Dutch soccer fans watching the game in the soccer stadium in my town

Not only our soccer team did great. Our ladies hockey team beat Australia in the World Championships Hockey today. We hope that our soccer team will do the same when we play against them in a few days. Winning in soccer will have bigger impact here, but I must say the cute Dutch Hockey players in their miniskirts have a pretty big impact on me too. Anyway, today is a good day, and I will be enjoying my orange pie tonight!

No comment

 Today it is also Little Flags Day. When I told my aunt, who normally is very silent, she became very enthusiastic and immediately wanted to make plans to go to the shopping center. Turned out she thought I was talking about Little Flags Week, which is the annual sale at one of the big fashion stores here. When I explained to her I meant that today is the day the herring boats, decorated with little flags, come home with fresh herring to start the new season. She was a little dissapointed by that. Most Dutch look forward to the new herring season though. The Herring Master declared the new herring to be of top quality, nicely white on the outside and deep red on the inside. The first barrel of herring was auctioned for 56.500 euros which will go to a good cause. When the first crowds at the fishshop are gone I will be enjoying a nice fresh herring too, hooray!

A New Black Pete?

On December 7th Dutch Santa has his birthday, and brings presents to all the children in the country. His name is Sinterklaas, he dresses like a bishop, lives in Spain, rides a white horse called Amerigo, and his assistants are called Black Petes. Several weeks before his birthday he arrives in the Netherlands by boat, and is being welcomed by the mayor and a big crowd of kids and their parents. The Black Pete's cheer the children up by doing funny acrobatic tricks, throw around peppernuts and other kinds of candy, and they assist Sinterklaas since he is an old man and cannot get around that easy anymore. Well, except for the night before his birthday, because then he is able to ride a horse on rooftops and deliver big bags of presents to almost every house in the country. After that he and his servants drive their big boat back to Spain and we don't hear from him again, until the supermarkets decide it is time to get the sales up again by putting Sinterklaas candy in the racks again. A great and also very funny description of our Sinterklaas celebration is being narrated by David Sedaris, you can listen to it here:

Our Sinterklaas custom is slowly changing though. In the last decade his competitor Santa Claus is becoming more and more popular. Probably under influence of movies and cartoons from the USA more and more Dutch people get presents at Christmas Eve too. Lucky kids here, they now have two old friendly men who throw presents down the chimney that most people don't have anymore. Sometimes Sinterklaas is asked how he feels about this competition, but he never really goes into that subject. There doesn't seem to be bad blood between the two though.

Santa vs Sinterklaas

Another thing that has changed somewhat over the years is Black Pete. Where he used to be armed with sticks to hit the kids that have been bad, and a sack to put the real bad kids in to kidnap them to Spain, he now is unarmed and friendly to the kids and uses his sack only to carry treats to throw around. In the past years however more and more people demand changes regarding the way Black Pete looks. They claim that our Black Pete custom is racist and insulting to black people. The majority of the Dutch people turned out to be very sensitive about this subject, and massively responded on social media not to change our Black Pete custom, since it is our cultural heritage. Not that they ever complained about the upcoming popularity of his competitor Santa Claus. Getting extra gifts is more important than our cultural heritage, it seems.

Old School Black Petes

Since the first protests against Black Pete started a few years ago, there has been an ongoing discussion about the matter, with a lot of emotions on the part of the protesters, and on the part of the people who want to keep the Sinterklaas celebration as it is. Most Dutch people consider it an insult that our kid friendly and happy custom is being called racist. And they do seem to have a point, I think. A few years ago, a Dutch chocolate and whipped cream treat called 'Negrokisses' had a name change because of alleged racism. In Dutch language the word 'Negro' is generally an accepted term to use, both by white and black people. Also, the treat was very tasty and there wasn´t anything negative about them. Myself, I like black women a lot, I think they are beautiful, but I don´t consider that racist either. Some say Black Pete can´t be a racist thing, because the blackness comes from climbing up and down the chimney. That makes sense, especially considering the bunch of sticks he carries with him, which resembles a tool used by chimney sweepers.

Anti Black Pete protestors

The opposition has a different reading though. If Black Pete is blackened by the chimney, how come he has curly hair, big red lips, and huge golden earrings? And according to them Pete's outfit is not a chimney sweepers outfit, but it resembles the costume that black slave servants were wearing in the 1800's. What's more important, they disagree with the idea that the Netherlands are so innocent when it comes to racism. The big role that our country has had in the slave trade and the refusal of the Dutch government to take responsability for this gruesome past claims otherwise. Also, research shows that some minority groups have to deal with a lot of prejudice when applying for a job or getting in to a club on a saturday night. When a black man wore a sign that said 'Black Pete is Racist' in the middle of the crowd when Sinterklaas arrived, policemen threw him onto the floor and arrested him for disturbing the celebration. Maybe we need to take a good look at ourselves and ask again, are we really so tolerant in the Netherlands?

Free Speech in the Netherlands; Anti Black Pete protester arrested for disturbing the festivities, kids can feel safe again

The discussion about Black Pete is still ongoing, and it will probably take years until a good solution is found. This week the Center for Dutch Culture and Immaterial Heritage presented the new look of Black Pete. He will loose his curly hair and earrings, and his lips will be thinner. The protesters aren't satisfied with these small changes, and they suggest a more radical make-over, and suggested a blue Pete with purple hair. The trouble is his name, it's Black Pete. Changing the looks will be easier than changing his name, I think. Like our prime-minister said: "Black Pete is black, I cannot change that."   

From Left to Right: A new Pete with straight hair, a blue Pete with Lady Gaga's hair, and an old school Pete who looks a bit pale

Pentecost

In the Netherlands we enjoy a lot of holidays compared to some other countries, and one of the nicest is the extended Pentecost weekend. Overall the weather is great this time of year, and there are some fun things to do, especially for the young people here.

In the North-West of the country kids celebrate Luilak, freely translated it means Lazy Ass. While the grown ups enjoy their day off by staying in bed and sleep longer, the kids get up early and roam around making as much noise as they can. They sing songs, blow horns, and tie cans behind their bikes to make sure no one will be sleeping that morning. They also make a mess by smearing butter and eggs on windows and doors. The older kids make an even bigger mess by making big fires, light fireworks and acts of vandalism.

No, she didn't get married, she is waking up the Lazy Asses!

In many Dutch towns Spring Festivities take place. There are markets, music, and the local Shooter's Guilds show off their flag waving and drinking skills. These Shooter's Guilds are recreational clubs for men who dress in Medieval city guard costumes. Every year they have shooting contests where the best shooter is made King of the guild. Also the guilds compete with each other on bigger contests with shooting and flag waving. Their most popular past time activity is drinking, since the women are not part of the guild so they can party hard without the nagging of their wives who want them to go home.

A Shooter's Guild King, who won another silver plaque by killing the badly made fake bird

The best Pentecost (Pinksteren, in Dutch) event however is Pinkpop. Since 1965, the best rock festival is organized in the utter south of the Netherlands. Musicians from all over the world come to play here, and the audience enjoys two days of great performances. During the night they camp on the Pinkpop campsite, so they don't have to worry about finding their way home after smoking pot, doing XTC and drink all the time. XTC (or MDMA) is not legalized here, but to make sure the kids are safe while using it, there are XTC testing stands at mayor parties and festivals where kids can have their drugs checked so they know they are taking the good stuff, without being arrested.

The Pinkpop Festival terrain in the utter South of the country, where you can see one of the few hills we have on the left

The Pinkpop festival will have some big stars again this year, like the Rolling Stones, Metallica, Epica, Gogol Bordello and many more. Like every year the highlights of the festival will be aired on TV, and that's where I will enjoy this years Pentecost again, without long waiting lines for the bar and the toilets, and under a steady roof in case of rain. 

Well, sometimes it does rain here...

Orange Fever!

When it comes to sports, the Dutch love ice skating and swimming a lot, but what we love most is soccer. Not so strange considering all you need for soccer is flat land and a ball, and we have lots of that (flat land and balls). In the Netherlands soccer is the most played game. Kids play it on the street and go to soccer clubs, and a lot of grown-ups play amateur soccer. When you climb a church tower in the Netherlands and look down on the roofs around, you will see many soccer balls laying there. Also, grabbing and throwing a soccer ball back over the fence to the neighbours is a popular past time activity for those who do not play soccer themselves. I'm no hero with the ball, in fact, I suck at it. As a kid I tried a soccer club for about two months and then I gave up because the ball refused to listen to my feet. Also, I am no good at the soccer conversations that people have here. I don't get it at all, they drop names I never heard of before, and heated discussions about the best player or team seem trivial to me.

Traditional Dutch Legion outfits

During the championships this changes radically. Something amazing happens in the Netherlands when our National Team gets together to play ball. Supporters and hooligans of rival teams take off their club colors, and people like me who never cared about soccer turn into soccer enthusiasts, joining discussions about team tactics and star players like experts. This knowledge seems to be nested somewhere deep inside Dutch DNA, because suddenly we know it all and our view on the game is always the most sensible. Like a Dutch reporter once said, during the Championships our country has 16 million coaches.

Orange Fever at its peak

In a few weeks the World Championship Soccer will be played in Brazil, and it is in this period that the transition of the Dutch takes place. Like a caterpillar that changes into a butterfly, the average Dutch person will change into an Orange legionist. While our team is selected from the best players we have and goes off to training camp, the dutch citizens also prepare for the exciting times that are coming. The closer the date of the first match, the more enthusiastic we become. This phenomenon is called Orange Fever. It starts slowly, with some Orange t-shirts and funny stuff in the supermarkets, and slowly it grows on us. People start to put Orange stuff in their cars, hang Orange flags in their streets, television commercials are more and more Orange themed, and the first new Orange soccer songs are made. And then, suddenly, Orange Fever strikes hard. People start painting their cars Orange, some paint their houses Orange, and in the supermarkets there is not a single product to be found that is not Orange. Orange cheese, orange macaroni, orange deserts, orange toiletpaper with the smell of grass, there is no ending to it.

Orange toilet paper with the smell of soccer field grass

After this transition, the Dutch are no longer an ordinary people, but we are known as the Orange Legion. With our orange uniforms and armed with funny stuff we are ready to cheer our team to the finals. All we care about is winning the championships, or, at least win the match against our rivals, the germans. We are proud, and we should, because we have done amazingly well in the past championships for a country with just 16 million inhabitants. We came in second in the world championships in 2010, and we have high hopes for the next. When the games are played, we all get together and watch the match, big screens are raised in bars and on squares, and from every open window you can hear the sounds of the match on the tv´s. When we loose, we are all sad. But when we win, the whole country goes crazy and we celebrate in the streets.

Orange Camping

Part of the Orange Legion travels to the hosting country for local support, and we create a small Orange invasion there. People stay in tents and trailers on the Orange Camping, and when our team plays they all march to the stadium in full orange gear. They sing songs like `Go, Holland, Go! Don´t let the lion stand in his underwear!´ and ´Viva Hollandia!´ If our team plays well, they will be honored in Amsterdam during an amazing celebration. The team will be driven around on a boat on the canals, and the party will reach ultimate heights. And when everything is over, the summer vacations start. The Dutch who go abroad to the mediteranian beaches will have great conversations with the people from other countries. They will shout ´Holland!´ and give a thumbs up, and show their respect by dropping names of dutch players. We proudly nod, even the people like me, who normally don´t know shit about soccer, and could care less about it.  

Dutch Quisine

While many (European) countries have their own delicious specialities when it comes to traditional cooking and dining, the Netherlands are somewhat exceptional. The Germans have their Schnitzels and sausages, the Belgians have their fries and waffles, the Greeks have their souflaki, the Spanish their paëlla, the Italians their pizza and pasta, the Hungarians their gulash, the French have about everything and my guess is the other European countries also have their own tasty meals. The Dutch however don't really have anything comparable. When we go out to dinner in the Netherlands, we choose between Chinese, Italian, Greek or Turkish restaurants. If we have more to spend we might go to some fancy place where they serve the French stuff. When we have even more to spend we go to some weird designer place that has stuff on the menu that we don't even know what it is, unless you are a specialist yourself.

Carrot Mash Pot

The only real Dutch speciality where we actually sit down for to eat it is stamppot (mash pot). We cook potatoes and vegetables and mash them together so it becomes an easy to swallow mush. We put gravy on it so it goes down even faster, and that's it. It is tasty, it really is. But no one goes to a restaurant for this. That is why there are no Dutch Cuisine restaurants around. Another thing that we like to eat, and have done so for many years, is fries. Not fries with a burger or anything, just fries. Covered in a lot of mayonnaise. We eat them from a little plastic tray with a little plastic fork that breaks on the fries that are a fried a little too long. But, eating fries is not really Dutch, since it is the Belgian national dish. The Belgians don't eat it from a tray though, they eat it from a pointy paper bag. The tray was our idea, and a good one too, since it prevents your fingers getting all covered in the mayo when you try to reach for the ones in the bottom of the bag.

Fries with mayonnaise, a romantic dinner for two

Like in many places in the world American fast food like MacDonalds and Burger King is becoming more and more popular in the Netherlands. A lot of people might think that fast food is an imported concept, but that is not true at all. In fact, the Dutch could be considered the founders of fast food. The best known and most popular dutch eating habits is way faster than a burger. Our fast food doesn't even demand you to sit down for it. We eat it while walking, or standing next to a garbage can ready to throw our napkin in as soon as we are finished. A great example is the Dutch tradition of a "croquette from the wall". This tradition goes back to the beginning of the 20th century and is still very popular today. You go to a wall where fried croquettes are kept warm, you throw in a euro and you open one of the little doors and get your meal. Dining this way doesn't cost you more than three minutes, and you can do it while walking to catch a bus or a train. Another great thing about these croquettes from the wall is that it also can be used for hilarious jokes. Before closing the little door after you got your croquette, you can put something back instead. Like someone's plastic teeth. The next visitors will have a good laugh when they see them behind the little door for sale for just one euro.

Croquettes from the wall

This superior efficiency brings us to our most famous national dish. While the Americans put so much effort in designing their fast food restaurants to be as efficient as they can be, with pre-made burger meat and pre-cut fries, drive-throughs and garbage cans that you can throw stuff in from you car window, the Dutch have already reached ultimate perfection many centuries ago: Eating a herring. You just go to the nearest herring cart, say whether you want onions on it or not, hold it by the tail and eat it. You don't have to wait until its cooked, we eat our herring raw. And it's not only tasty but healthy as well!

Best meal of the world, a nice fresh herring